Noiman's Land (1,642kb)
In this late June 1998 situation, I'm the bionic commando (heh) of a dog dude, Fang, well, continuing as him, and I battle the ...elite... hacker (I still can't believe they still use ''computers'' in the 27th century), Noiman Cascade. My friend Al thinks this is the most horrible name in history! Anyway, I'm doing my thing, and voices, too, slamming Noiman as he uses the power of the stars (like Sailor Moon's Nephlite which I refer to) in his Virtual Zone. He turns into the flashy dots and form the constellations of the bull, Taurus, a centaur with a bow an arrow, Sagittarius, and finally the twins of Gemini. After I lettuce spray those three, Noiman turns himself into a 5x5 block of giant pixel plates. He attacks with Tetris-looking "T" blocks, by turning into a tank shape, and finally a helicopter shape. None of them seem to be useful against the dog's power. The first Contra HC battle to show up in DCTP's Battles Barely Perfect section is probably the best of the bunch.

Golden Brownies (84kb)
A short one of one of the countless Contra Hard Corps endings. In this one, a gold statue of your player character appears on top of the world. I was the little robot Browny. It's just me saying "Yes!...you better make me a giant statue!!

Heads Master (694kb)
The first time I beat Colonel Bahamut without losing any weapons or lives was quite a lucky one. After he attacks you with a claw arm, he says that, "When I die, a missile armed with the Alien cell will take off. You will see the world burn in the flames of Hell! UGH!" He dies, then the room shakes. We then cut to a scene of the missile being rocketed out of Bahamut's Island base. Several other giant ignited beer cans follow, with your character riding one. Next, you have your final encounter with Deadeye Joe, and after a waste of a showdown, you scale the missle to the top, blasting ugly worms along the way. At the top, you face what looks like a huge centipede which is somewhat diffiult to crush. Finally, you're pitted against an UGLY bunch of heads which emerge from a glass case which rises from inside the missile!

Harlem Deadeye (233kb)
Jogging down a futuristic 110th street in Harlem World (heh), Deadeye Joe and his Robot are punished by Browny and his Yo Yo Laser in under 20 seconds. NOW you can raise the roof.

In Secton Z (685k)
Doctor Geo Mandrake gets devoured by a hentai demon after his many Format X mutations fail to chew you out. After the walking 'Little Shop of Horrors'-like thing runs back and forth, it mutates into a highly unnattractive monster with long legs and unrehearsed attacks. After Browny wins, he crashes Bahamut's Evil Board Meeting. I take care of a good deal of voice acting before the final Alien Cell stage.

Chest Busted (286k)
Live in the Alien Cell stage, I mow down droves of Bahamut's contaminated and mutated soldiers who hop around and engulf one another. The first sub-boss, which looks like the Chest Burster Alien from the Alien movie franchise, slogs onto the scene with nice, slime-sludge graphics. As if by mistake, Browny annihilates it before I can finish announcing its arrival.

Die Now! (59kb)
Things get hot and hectic later in the Alien Cell stage, and I bug out with death demands.

No Children (381k)
The final sub-boss of the Alien Cell stage assumes the role of the second sub-boss at the end of Contra III, and the final boss of Super C. The crabby cretin dashes towards you and back, then summons in its partner from the ceiling to bounce on its back in an attempt to mash you. After taking more abuse, it screams out (I imitate it at the same time) and its partner drops as both form a ball for a spinning attack that rams into all four corners of the screen. Browny makes it sure that the two have no further relations.